The room was silent. The only light coming in came from the flashes of lighting that showered the Florida night. A dazzling light display against the dark, furious storm clouds that were scattered all across the sky.
The storm outside was a perfect match for the storm raging within me. Fear and anxiety fed my despair turning my stomach into knots. After months of the most intense battle of our lives, my daughter and I would be given the court’s decision on custody of her daughter–my granddaughter.
All summer long, we went to court date after court date proving ourselves, disproving lies, scheduling hearing dates, rescheduling hearing dates. And with every new date, my fear grew and my anxiety peaked. Sleep no longer came easily, if at all. Fear will do that to you. It’ll build off the stress, trauma, crisis in your life until it overwhelms and overtakes every thought you have and determine every choice you make.
The fear and trauma of the situation were clouding my faith. The same faith that was being purged and deepened in order to produce Trust. That summer, God walked me through an extremely critical lesson. That was the summer that I learned how to truly trust Him. Belief I knew. Faith I knew too and I really thought I knew trust. But, not really, not to this degree.
You see, Trust is Rest. Trust is Peace. Trust is Release.
Trust is…Letting Go and Letting God.
Even when that ‘letting go involves that which is most sacred and dear to us. Because sometimes. Not all the time, but—sometimes, it takes more ‘heart’ to let go than it does to hold on. Fear can keep you hanging on, staying in control. Making sure of the outcome. I believe you God. I have faith that You are the God of the impossible. But what if we lose her? Our ability to let go is in direct proportion to our trust in Him.
I John 4:18 says: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear is by suspicion, but he who fears is not grown up in love.” (Aramaic Plain English Bible).
God was ‘growing me up’ in Love.
That night, as I looked out at the raging storm on the other side of the window, I realized that though I felt the rumbling of the thunder, I couldn’t actually hear it. Although I could clearly see the storm clouds racing and the lightning crackling and flashing, everything was all muffled. In all storms, the eye is the location of the storm’s minimum barometric pressure: the area where the atmospheric pressure at sea level is the lowest.” It is calmest in the eye of a storm.
As I stood there contemplating the contrast between ‘storm’ and ‘stillness’, I heard the whisper of God…“I have you in My eye”. Tears welled up and rolled down as His Peace filled me and I felt His immense love. In that moment, my heart-struggle finally ceased and came to ‘rest’ in that Love. It was then, that I was finally able to respond. “Lord, I trust You.”
Whatever the outcome, I know that You love her more than we ever could and whatever You decide is based on that Perfect Love.
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed/fixed/steadfast on you, because he trusts in you.” ~ Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)
If you are facing storms that bring you face to face with FEAR, I encourage you today to release ‘control’ of the situation to Him. Ask Him to mature (grow you up) in Love. You may need to ‘go through’ the storm, but your Father will keep you in His Eye as you trust in His Perfect Love.